Maintaining Your Self-Esteem In Relationships

When a person is in love with another human, the marvelous thing about being in love is that it is a totally positive projection. There is a person who projects on to you all that is positive: you are marvelous, you are unique, you are indispensable, you are a treasure. That positive projection generates a euphoric state, of bliss, of wellbeing, whereby you are flying. You feel loved, cared for, needed and valued. That positive projection lasts for a time until, with the dependencies and expectations, the negative projection begins. "You should have called me, you should have told me, you should have come at this time, you should be more like this, you should be less like that, you should have done this or that."

With these expectations, demands and dependencies, that positive projection and flying state disappear. The other has started interfering in your personal space and the harmony that was there previously is lost. One needs to learn to have a positive vision of oneself. You are marvelous, you are unique; don't depend on them telling you so. This does not mean you need to feed your ego, but that you need to make the most positive emerge from within you. Resort to all your creative, positive, spiritual capacity, so that you do not depend on others having to project positive things onto you in order to feel good. On feeling good in an independent and autonomous way, you will be able to share with others peace, love and positivism. You won't be in the state of a victim but will be true rulers and controllers of your own life with solid self-esteem

Poems of Gulzar

चांद के साथ कई दर्द पुराने निकले

चांद के साथ कई दर्द पुराने निकले,
कितने गम थे जो तेरे गम के बहाने निकले,

फ़सल-ए-गुल आई फ़िर एक बार असीनाने-वफ़ा,
अपने ही खून के दरिया में नहाने निकले,

दिल ने एक ईंट से तामीर किया हसीं ताजमहल,
तुने एक बात कही लाख फसाने निकले,

तामीर = plan

दश्त-ए-तन्हाई ये हिजरा में खडा सोचता हुँ,
हाय क्या लोग मेरा साथ निभाने निकले,

Lyrics: Amjad Islam Amjad

Ustad Shujaat Hussain Khan - Solo Ghazal

It yours belief, which hurts you.

Sometimes in relationships, you believe that the other person is hurting you because they do not meet your desires, but in such cases how can you know if it is really true? Let.s go a step ahead; does the belief that they are going to hurt you influence the situation until in the end it happens? Perhaps they won't hurt you. Your belief that the other is going to hurt you is not so powerful that it will necessarily affect the other person. But it affects you yourself. They may not hurt you at all finally, but you will end up hurt, you will become emotionally ill, even psychically ill sometimes. The symptoms will begin to show themselves and you will say: "Did you see? I feel hurt, I keep telling you so." So your belief caused you to get hurt and not the other.

Forgive To Forget

A key principle to remain light and stable in relationships is . .forgive and forget. - it.s a well-known principle . one that we sometimes find difficult to practice. It can be modified to .forgive to forget.. Sometimes we spend many years with so much bitterness inside us for a particular person, with an inner violence of wanting to make the other .pay. (emotions of revenge), the one who has supposedly hurt you. If you don.t strike back immediately, you at least want to keep this .guilt card. in your pocket, to be pulled out at a later date: .Oh yes, well what about the time when you... We keep this bitterness inside us because we haven't forgiven. It does not resolve the situation; the only thing it does is increase our pain, makes us heavy and does not let us remain in peace. So the key is that if we do not forgive, we cannot forget.When someone has offended or insulted us, the last thing we want to do is to let it go. And yet, if our desire is to have a healthy, lasting relationship, that is exactly what we.ve got to do.

Sometimes, when it is a question of a broken relationship, it is not only a matter of forgiving the other, but of forgiving yourself for having allowed yourself to enter that experience. It was you that took the step to allow that experience to be entered into. If you hadn't taken that step, you wouldn't have had that experience. You accepted that challenge, that relationship, and what might happen in it . you were aware of the possibilities when you entered in the relationship. So not only do you have to learn to forgive the other, but also to forgive yourself in such situations. Only then will you be able to forget. 

Meeting with old friend is a bliss

Meeting with the old friend is bliss in life. When you meet with your old friend, you analyze your life. You tried to  visualize the direction in which life is moving. You make alive your past thought . You tries to define your path in life. You learn the mistakes that you have done in the past.

I met, my one of  the old friend in Birmingham [Ajit Singh Boley] after 7 years, and it was stirring.

"Dil Hi To Hai Na Sang-o-Khist
Dard Se Bhar Na Aaye Kyon?
Royenge Hum Hazaar BaarKoyee Hamein Sataye Kyon?

Ghalib-e-Khast Ke Bagair
Kaunse Kaam Band Hain?
Roeeye Zar-Zar Kaya?Keejiye Haye-Haye Kyon?"

It was an inspiring meeting. I suggest everybody to keep meeting with the old past close friends.
Sometime it takes you on right path.